Understanding the Language of Personality

Even though the words are English, in many respects we speak a foreign language to others. That’s because what we say and hear is filtered through our personality, which is what we use to interpret everything from the meaning of life to why our boss eats tuna salad for lunch every day.

Let’s say, for example, that you’re in your supervisor’s office, explaining your rationale for a business decision. While you’re talking, he fires off a couple of emails, then picks up the ringing telephone with barely a nod your way. Are you infuriated that he’s so rudely communicated that what you have to say is not important? Or are you nervous that your answers are wrong, and that your job may be in jeopardy? Or perhaps your heart goes out to the guy for being so busy, and you begin thinking about ways to help him out.

These responses illustrate how our personality filters shape our views and responses to situations. The Enneagram (“any-a-gram”) describes, with astonishing accuracy, nine such filters. Since the 1970’s individuals, therapists, consultants, and managers in major corporations have used the Enneagram to help people disengage from limiting patterns, and to communicate better with supervisors, co-workers, and clients.

Enneagram means the graph of nine. It is symbolized by a circle with the numerals one through nine arranged clockwise around its circumference. Each number, or point, describes a different personality style. Identifying your point allows you to understand your inherent strengths, as well as the blind spots that lead to self-defeating behaviors. You also realize that there are eight other ways to interpret every event.

See where you recognize yourself and your colleagues in these type descriptions:

Point One, called “the reformer”* is the principled, earnest type who looks for mistakes and then sets about to correct them according to exacting standards of right and wrong. Ones want to know what is expected and who’s responsible for what. They can get locked into black and white thinking, and lose sight of the big picture by focusing on minor details. What they consider helpful feedback can sound harsh and critical to co-workers.

Style Two, “the helper,” values connections with others above all else, and can sense what you need with radar-like precision. The reward for their help is your acknowledgement and appreciation of their efforts on your behalf. You often find Twos working tirelessly behind-the-scenes to make their bosses look good. Because they have a hard time saying no, they may take on too many projects, and their helping can become intrusive to others.

Point Three is dubbed “the achiever.” This is the confident, “can-do” individual who seems to effortlessly move from accomplishment to accomplishment. Threes want to win, and value status, promotions, and other outward symbols of having “made it.” Success may be pursued so single-mindedly that Threes discount the feelings of others, and lose sight of what they themselves really want. In their impatient race to the top, they can be demanding and insensitive.

Fours are intensely focused on the inner world of feelings and emotions. “Individualists” are drawn to the different, the unique, and the special, and often present themselves with some kind of dramatic flair. They express creativity by putting their unique stamp on even the most mundane of projects. In their desire to be original, they may discount rules and useful procedures, and have a tendency to take workplace issues personally. They can be over-emotional and moody.

Many people are surprised to learn that Fives possess the sensitivity of Fours, because Fives withdraw into their minds in order to protect themselves. Known as “investigators,” they are wonderfully dispassionate observers who can be counted on to provide impartial and objective feedback. Fives dislike being caught off guard, and may devote too much time to planning and not enough to doing. Their reserve can be perceived as coldness and a lack of caring by co-workers.

Semper paratus is the motto of Six, “the troubleshooter.” These individuals scan the environment for what can go wrong, and prepare contingency plans for all kinds of potential problems. At times, they may impulsively dive into projects despite their fears, or they may nervously seek the opinion of others. They may focus so much on the negatives that they miss new opportunities. In their quest for certainty, they may settle for a less effective, but tried and true, solution. The Six habit of questioning authority and second-guessing their decisions can make them appear uncooperative and ill-prepared.

Optimistic, future-oriented “enthusiasts” excel at finding new possibilities and new ways of doing things. In business, they provide a wealth of innovative ideas, and use their enthusiasm to get buy-in from superiors. These individuals may benefit from negative re-framing – considering what could go wrong with a project and developing a back-up plan. In Enneagram circles, Sevens are said to have the Buddhist “monkey mind” because they leap from idea to idea. They often have a hard time following through on details, and can appear superficial and unreliable.

“Challengers,” at point eight on the Enneagram, are assertive, self-confident, natural leaders who are not afraid to charge ahead to get what they want. Eights live by the law of the jungle, believing that life is a battle and only the fittest survive. Thus they are quick to show their anger, flex their muscles, and challenge people to see whose side they’re on. Eights are often shocked to learn that others can find them intimidating and boorish, and ironically, their bravado hides a very vulnerable inner self.

“The Peacemaker’s” special gift is understanding many different points of view, and diplomatically guiding a group to a peaceful compromise. Nines are kind-hearted, easy-going, and optimistic souls (“Everything will work out”). In their desire to keep the peace, they go along with what the group wants, instead of voicing their own opinion. Their difficulty in taking a stand and making decisions can look wishy-washy and passive.

Chances are, you recognized most or all of these styles in your workplace. So the next time you find yourself wondering what a co-worker or boss was thinking, try instead to figure out what they saw through the language of their personality.

* Riso-Hudson type names are ă Don Riso and Russ Hudson, The Enneagram Institute

Barbara Bissonnette is a certified coach and principal of Forward Motion Coaching. She uses EnnaView coaching, which is based on the Enneagram, to help people capitalize on their inherent strengths and resolve the sub-conscious assumptions that keep them stuck. Prior to coaching, she spent more than 20 years in business, most recently as Vice President of Marketing & Sales for a privately held information services firm. For more details, visit www.ForwardMotion.info or call Barbara at 508/966-2165